Pardon????

These are from an American friend (I am sure the police calling method would work the same way here, though!)

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE
George Phillips of Meridian,Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed,which she could see from the bedroom window.George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.He phoned the police,who asked "Is someone in your house?" & he said "no" Then they said that all patrols were busy,& that he should simply lock his door & an officer would be along when available.
George said,"Okay," hung up,counted to 30,& phoned the police again. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well,you don't have to worry about them now cause I've just shot them all." Then he hung up.
Within five minutes three police cars,an Armed Response unit,& an ambulance showed up at the Phillips residence.
Of course,the police caught the burglars red-handed.One of the Policemen said to George:"I thought you said that you'd shot them!" George said,"I thought you said there was nobody available!" (True Story) I LOVE IT...
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Sperm Count
A 75-year-old man went to his doctor to get a sperm count.The Dr. gave him a jar,sent him home & told him to bring back a semen sample tomorrow.The next day,the 75-year-old man returned to the doctor's office & gave him the jar,which was as clean & empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened,& the man explained,"Well, doc, it's like this. ...
First I tried with my right hand,but nothing.
Then I tried with my left hand,but still nothing.Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand,then her left,still nothing.She even tried with her mouth,first with the teeth in,then with her teeth out,& still nothing.We even called up Arlene,the lady next door,& she tried too,first with both hands,then an armpit,& she even tried squeezing it between her knees,but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked."You asked your neighbour!!??"
The old man replied,"Yep,but no matter what all three of us tried,with our arthritis,we still couldn't get the jar open."

[nicolette]

ha ha!
love nicXX

[Kris]

omg thats funny

[JennyL]

both of these are hilarious!! I am still laughing!

Jenny L