Looking4TS
02-02-2007, 05:45 AM
Ok first is I have no idea if this is in the right place. I have a friend and we have been friends for about 14 years. She is married to a man she has been with for 16 years and I met her thru him. He is almost mid 30's and her in the late 30's. They have had 9 miscarriages and one died about two weeks after birth. After the death of their child they found she had a heart shaped uterus. They fixed that about 5 years ago. Since then she has not got pregnant. She went to a firtility doctor whom said about 3 years ago she had PCOS. She had been told that she may not get pregnant after the surgery to fix the uterus and this just added more to it. All she has ever wanted was a child. She longs for a child so much it is like an obsession and she cries and is depressed alot. She jokes that I should give her my younger son.
I talked to her about adoption. She stated she wanted to but her DH wants a blood tie. I told her about surrogacy and have shown her the sites I go to and told them they should really look at this. Well her DH has said yes. She stated to me today that she did not think it was fare for him to have a blood tie and her not to. I told them they could use a sperm donor. Her DH did not like that. I said look you both want a child and you both want ties. You should compremise (sp). They can not afford the GS option as they spent most the money and her credit cards on firtility on her. He said how is that a compremise. I told them they both want blood relation. A sperm donor would be a compremise. They would have a child and neither would have blood ties. I also stated that they could keep trying. But deep down the reality is she is not going to get pregnant. There RE has done all he can and they have spent so much on fertility drugs. He said that he did not see that as a compremise. He saw that as her getting her way since he wants a blood related child. I hear this all the time. I have a TS that is wonderful and we will be starting a journey hopefuly real soon. I feel bad I may have a child before her. But on one hand all they do is talk and fight about this. I have tried everything to get them to see that this along with adoption is an option. And the point is she will do adoption and he won't. He said surrogacy was the best way and she won't. Do any of you have any idea how else I can handle this? It has got to a point as to affect our relationship in the since she is missing the mother hood. I know we have been friends a long time and all but sometimes I wonder if we are always together due to my children and her longing for the mother role. She tryes to take over alot. They have light skin, very smart, financially set, she has brown hair, him redish blond hair. She had blond as a child. They want a light skin, blond hair blue eyes child. They have blue and green eyes. They would like a child to look like them. I suggested my DH for the sperm donor. He is smart, has blond hair, blue eyes and his kids are the same, except our son got my eyes, hazel. They love our son. When they are out with him people think he is theirs and they are like nope we are his aunt and uncle. But there is the thing of getting them to agree on something heck just anythng. It is messing up their relatonship and they have been together to long and love each other to much to let this be a reason they split up. I love them so much that they may be one of the only ones I would allow my DH to be a sperm donor for other than family. Our kids think they are their aunt and uncle. I do not know what else to do! Help!!!
I talked to her about adoption. She stated she wanted to but her DH wants a blood tie. I told her about surrogacy and have shown her the sites I go to and told them they should really look at this. Well her DH has said yes. She stated to me today that she did not think it was fare for him to have a blood tie and her not to. I told them they could use a sperm donor. Her DH did not like that. I said look you both want a child and you both want ties. You should compremise (sp). They can not afford the GS option as they spent most the money and her credit cards on firtility on her. He said how is that a compremise. I told them they both want blood relation. A sperm donor would be a compremise. They would have a child and neither would have blood ties. I also stated that they could keep trying. But deep down the reality is she is not going to get pregnant. There RE has done all he can and they have spent so much on fertility drugs. He said that he did not see that as a compremise. He saw that as her getting her way since he wants a blood related child. I hear this all the time. I have a TS that is wonderful and we will be starting a journey hopefuly real soon. I feel bad I may have a child before her. But on one hand all they do is talk and fight about this. I have tried everything to get them to see that this along with adoption is an option. And the point is she will do adoption and he won't. He said surrogacy was the best way and she won't. Do any of you have any idea how else I can handle this? It has got to a point as to affect our relationship in the since she is missing the mother hood. I know we have been friends a long time and all but sometimes I wonder if we are always together due to my children and her longing for the mother role. She tryes to take over alot. They have light skin, very smart, financially set, she has brown hair, him redish blond hair. She had blond as a child. They want a light skin, blond hair blue eyes child. They have blue and green eyes. They would like a child to look like them. I suggested my DH for the sperm donor. He is smart, has blond hair, blue eyes and his kids are the same, except our son got my eyes, hazel. They love our son. When they are out with him people think he is theirs and they are like nope we are his aunt and uncle. But there is the thing of getting them to agree on something heck just anythng. It is messing up their relatonship and they have been together to long and love each other to much to let this be a reason they split up. I love them so much that they may be one of the only ones I would allow my DH to be a sperm donor for other than family. Our kids think they are their aunt and uncle. I do not know what else to do! Help!!!